Year: 2016

Unfolding the bloom

I
think that today I am ready to tell you what is going on. I have been
ghost-dancing around this decision for quite some time now. 
I hope that you will be patient and understanding. Because more than ever I realize that “the only way past is through.”
So. I am writing you from the United States. Michigan, to be precise.
Remi and I are “taking a break” or a trial separation, if you prefer.
Do
you remember when we had the head-on collision in the beginning of
January? While we both were so fortunate to walk away physically
unscathed, it became apparent, within days, that a lot of important emotional
issues had been shaken loose and brought to the surface. 
While
the details of those issues only concern the two of us, the outcome was
that we would take these months apart. To be clear – we did not fight, both of us are at “fault” for
lack of a better word and these are issues that developed over a long
period of time.
However,
I can tell you that I did not see this coming and I was
devastated. It all happened quite quickly. This is, by far, one of the
most challenging periods that I have been through in my life. 
I miss Remi, our home, Provence and our dogs.
But. But, this is an opportunity. And I am taking it. 
My
friend Stephen joked that I was going to “rehab” before I got here and
that is really kind of perfect in its way as I am taking a good long
look at my life and my behavior. Stripped of so much of what has been my
world, there is plenty of room not only for introspection but also for
action.
And so that is what I am doing.
I
am incredibly grateful to have had a safe place to land. My Mom and her Husband have welcomed me into their guestroom, my Sister is
close by. They have literally held me up when I needed it.
At
46, I am learning to drive. I am petrified, especially after the
accident, but am breathing through it. Actually, so much of what I am
going through is about facing or “leaning into” my fear (as the very
wise Tara Brach puts it) and shining a light into the dark. That
includes my well-being so I started therapy and am attending Al-Anon meetings.
My Sister has sponsored me for a class in Tibetan Buddhism and I have
started meditating. I bought a stack of books before arriving to help me
understand me better and have been reading voraciously. My tennis shoes are getting put on every single
day as I exercise. My diet has been completely shifted to eliminate
inflammation (more on that soon) and I have lost over twenty pounds,
safely. I have never eaten so healthily in my life. My pen is my friend
as I have been journaling again. And alcohol has been completely
cut back so that I can think straight and hear my heart. I don’t want to
hide. I am learning so much.

On Monday, I ran into someone that I had not seen in a few weeks who said, “It makes me really happy to see you doing so much better, Heather.” That felt good.

Many
of you have been through this or similar or harder already in your lives. I am
well aware that this is just my current story but I wanted to let you
know about it before diving back into the beauty of Provence. Of course I am
going to keep the blog going, am staying up to date on all that is happening and prepared material before leaving – such as these photos of the magnolia tree in the courtyard,
taken with the hopes of one day having the courage to make this post happen. I didn’t talk
about this sooner only because I was a) frankly too much of a mess to find the right words
and b) afraid that I would lose all of you when I admitted that I wasn’t
in France. But again, I am tired of fear running the show. I also remember how you remained loyal during those months when I was in the States for visa reasons in 2014. And it is just better this way.
Yes, I do have a return ticket for France.

Do I know what will happen? I have no idea. But I am doing my best to stay positive and open.

Let’s keep moving forward then, yes? 
It is never too late to unfold the bloom.
****

To those of you that have known about this, thank you so dearly for all of your kindness, wisdom and support. 
Some of you have gone above and beyond, including an amazing friend who I am going to meet very soon…I may not post for a bit but not to worry, I will be having a very good time!
Thank you so much for being here and I ask that you are considerate of all parties if you leave a comment, much appreciated. Your responses to my previous post made me feel wonder-ful and full of hope.

Be well.

Bisous,
Heather

Let’s remember, love wins

Hello there, today’s post is about Provence in the visuals only. The text is an appeal for a cause that will touch many of you though, so I wanted to write about it. If it isn’t your thing, no worries and see you soon…
 Our personal stories can take up so much of our head and heartspace that the rest of the world can seem so far away. Of course, it isn’t really. We forget sometimes. That we are all connected.

Mes amis, I know that some of us have been going through really
challenging times of late but think about it for just a moment, most likely it is nothing compared to what is
happening for the refugees in Europe (wait, don’t leave just yet for there is something really positive and happy in this post). This is the most drastic
situation of displaced peoples since WWII and it is horrific and far
from over. As most of us already know, these are folks like you and me who had homes, jobs and families but were forced to leave everything
behind to flee the atrocities of war or chaos. For so many of them, all they want to do is go home but to one that is safe and sound. As borders have closed, many are
trapped in a no man’s land and are literally starving. The situation is far more desperate then it was last year when the media brought it to our attention. In some camps,
the percentage of women and children by themselves is staggering (65% in Idomeni in Greece), the
number of children that have been separated from their families and are
now alone in this world, heart-breaking.

As many of
our biggest humanitarian agencies are either not able to offer
effective help or are unable to fill the needs, Glennon Doyle Melton
formed the Compassion Collective along with Elizabeth Gilbert, Cheryl
Strayed, Brené Brown and Robert Bell. You can read more about the
amazing work they are doing here: http://thecompassioncollective.org/

Since last fall, they have distributed 1.4 million USD in aid – every
penny of which goes directly to assistance as they are working with
specialized groups directly on the ground so there is zero overhead.
Among their many life-saving projects, they are currently feeding 6450
refugees a day (!), providing tents, clothing and light in the darkness but after a massive donation of 714k, the funds have now run dry. 
So today, May 3rd, is a
drive to prove that Love Wins. Because who is making the
difference by sponsoring this collective? We do – yes, just normal people like us – by giving $5 to $25
(the maximum limit of the donation as this is not a competition about who gives the most but
about us being in this together). By doing so, you can literally help save lives. Their funding for Refugee Rescue in Greece, for example, is essential – over a three-day period, these partners assisted 25 boats and helped 1200 people safely to land. That is just in three days! And, as the Compassion Collective
is ever expanding its reach, this drive will be the first to also
benefit America’s homeless youth. Those statistics are frightening. Again, you can get more of a specific breakdown on who is being assisted and how by reading here.  The personal stories and the photos included are amazing as well.

So I hope that you will consider helping our fellow human beings who are
suffering mightily, if you can. And if you can’t make a financial
donation, would you consider passing along the word about today’s event? I would
truly appreciate it. If you are seeing this after May 3rd but would still like to help out, not to worry, it is never too late to do some good. I know that this situation seems so huge as to be impossible. But it isn’t – especially if we reach from person to person, just like we know how to do best.

You have already shown me over and over and over again that you are a loving, caring community. 

If there is one thing that I am sure of, it is that love wins.
For more information or to donate, please click here:



Thank you so much for reading,
Heather


 *PS. In no way am I affiliated with any of the above, I just believe in this and the good it can do!

On the rue de l’Amphithéâtre – Arles

Sweep out the cobwebs, shake out those shadows. Sometimes we need to go right back to where we started.

In Arles, after moving in and wandering the cross-caught streets, I fell fast in love with the tales of its shutters and doors. Cliché, absolutely, and some would say that I should now move beyond those facile waters…but…but…there was a day, not so long ago, when the sky was so blue that it tricked me back to the beginning of seeing one street as I had in the before of before, allowing me to dip in just one more time.

Instead of hurrying along the far too narrow sidewalk, I stepped out into the rue de l’Amphithéâtre, camera in hand and lifted. I had easily half an hour to spare before my doctor’s appointment. All was quiet, the tourists still sleeping. The light was flirting. A passer-by gave me a slight nod of recognition, someone else from the center of town. I love Arles before showtime. When history stretches and yawns before settling in to be admired.

Now I can add my own little histories to its two-thousand some years that are more patient than I will ever be. On this particular stretch alone I remember…my mom and I struggling with our suitcases on the bumpy pavement against a winter Mistral wind on an early descent from Paris to visit an apartment that would not work out. Being invited to a party where rooms opened upon rooms until fading into darkness and everyone was trying too hard to be casual. Pulling Ben and Kipling out of the way of a roaring car, music blaring, with only inches to spare. Perfect imperfect these memories, just like the patina scribbled on the surrounding walls for all to see. No need for them right now.

So I snapped back, quite literally with a click-click, present-bound and looked without judging and felt a tiny lift of joy without judgement too. The worn faces above the doorways winked conspiratorially before I turned into the shade of an alley, a short-cut but also a window closing. It is funny that it is no longer one of the more fashionable streets to live on, despite leading directly to the Arena (or maybe because of it); it clearly once was and perhaps will be again. Sometimes, we need to go right back to where we started.


 
Arles, eternal and ever the heady mix. Who says all roads lead to Rome?



Still no news about Teddy, friends. I will let you all know…
Bon Weekend.

My first photo credit

Well, I have a fun surprise to share with you. It certainly was one for me! My friend Anthony hinted a while back that he had something up his sleeve, so imagine my delight when he sent me a gorgeous magazine with an article about the new company that he is forming inside, only for me to discover that the photo used to illustrate it…was mine!

Now, those of you who have been reading here for a while know that I am not exactly a portraitist…to be more precise, I never take photos of people – ever – as I am far too shy. But there we were together, talking, at the end of a glorious afternoon where I had been photographing his amazing new renovation project and the light was streaming across his face so perfectly that I dared just a few. Of course, it doesn’t hurt when your subject matter is not only a dear friend but an occasional model as well…
Anthony especially appreciated one of the photos in particular and I sent it to him to use as he wished. As he is truly a good egg, he just so happened to get me my first photo credit and in a very cool publication to boot.
I Heart magazine comes out once every three months. Their objective is to take you to the center of a specific city as described by locals and established expats so that you too can be “in the loop” enough to push beyond the clichés and postcard platitudes to hit the pulse of the current scene. When I am fortunate enough to travel, this is the kind of “on the ground” fieldview that I aspire to, so it is right up my alley and I still haven’t finished pouring over its thick, matte pages.

The Spring 2016 issue is all about Tokyo…

…and I love all of the surprising ways that this mythic metropolis is portrayed through art about artists but also foodies, fashionistas, pop and street lore.

Because who doesn’t love to love? Or to discover a destination with a fresh perspective?
I Heart will take you there. 😉
“But isn’t Anthony…French?” you might be asking. Yes, and so is the magazine! Eh oui, c’est en français mes amis. And there are tons of tidbits spread throughout its pages about places and events of interest all over the world, not only on the featured city.
For more information about the current numéro or to order it online, click:
It is for sale not only in France but also in Austria, Germany, Greece, Italy, the Netherlands, Portugal, Spain and the UK.

I could have never imagined being published for my photography instead of as a writer! This is a serious thrill for me.

Thank you again, Anthony, for this wonderful surprise and for being such a supportive friend…

Renovating the kitchen floor – chez Anthony

Now that spring has officially sprung, I imagine that some of you are thinking towards what sprucing up projects might need attending to around your home. C’est dans l’air, n’est ce-pas?

As it has been a while since we have visited the amazing renovation project that my friend Anthony is undertaking with his partner, I thought that we could pay a little visit, all the better to reassure you that no matter what may be on your “à faire” list…

…I highly doubt that anything will be as daunting as bringing back to life a stone floor that was most likely set in around 1750…

…on top of other basic projects such as, oh, let’s say, putting the electricity back in the walls where it belongs in these modern times…

…let alone plumbing and evacuation, rebuilding the window and doorframes, all of which will come later.

So, where to start? By calling an excellent team of artisans of course! Fortunately, there are many truly talented experts in Provence and Anthony – as I believe I have already mentioned – is a man who knows the best address for everything…toujours, c’est incroyable.
After his partner had single-handedly ripped down a non-supporting wall to open up the space (and then taken away the tons of déchets), the work could begin. First up, the most damaged of the stone blocks were removed and replaced if they could not be repaired. That so few needed to be attests to the quality of the craftsmanship from nearly three hundred years ago! Then, different techniques were tested for polishing off the indentations that heavily marked each piece (most likely from when additional flooring had been laid on top of it). The above photo was taken at this stage and if you look carefully at the flags in the bottom right, you can see that the essai was already having its effect.

So how did it all turn out? 
Ah, I am going to make you wait to see but will hint that I could skate across the smooth surface of the stones today. They are magnificent. But the work was not without a price. Despite the best efforts of the workmen, a thin veil of stone dust snaked through the rest of the house and covered each surface for weeks! If you ask Anthony, I do think he will tell you that it was worth it. 
This room will be a heart of the house and it is already quite transformed from when these photos were taken. Anthony has a lot on the burner that I am looking forward to sharing with you, not only in terms of the renovation. Let’s just say that sometimes one good idea leads to another and another…and that some times you need to start from scratch to find it. 
There will be more to follow, in time…
****

PS. There has been a lot of fear and sadness amidst this promising season. I, like you, am horrified by the terrorist attacks in Brussels and in Pakistan. I wonder where we are going. Many of you have written, asking news of my friend Ellie, who has suffered a setback in her battle with ALS but is still fighting with her humor and elegance intact. That to me seems to be a way for all of us right now. I don’t have answers for you but I have Love to give (and hopefully to receive) and am holding onto that for now as an antidote. Let’s stay strong in this together, yes?
As always, thank you for being here,
Heather

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