I often bemoan the difficulties with my memory. Words, in either English or French, are almost there but disappear with the wisp of a powder puff. In their stead, I will pounce upon useless details that serve nothing. At times I am fearful for the future, wondering if there will be nothing left but dust. And so I document, in thoughts and pictures, events that I would be better off simply enjoying, in order to safe guard them somewhere. An external hard drive of my life.
And yet there can be certain upsides to my state. I keep my favorite novels on the shelf, knowing that I will be able to reread them anew with only the vaguest recollections, touch points of a ship bobbing on the tide. I experienced a similar moment of “oh, yes” today at the market, watching a young woman tuck a paper-wrapped bouquet of peonies under her arm. “I love peonies,” I remembered.
And so I walked up past the baskets of strawberries to the flower stand for the first time in months, since autumn, having let orchid statues fill the vases past their winter due date. The seller smiled with surprise to see me. “It has been a long time.” It has, I nodded. He knows that I prefer lighter colors, white whenever possible, yet steered me towards coral tight-fisted blooms. As I was preparing to pay, he turned as he often does to grab their paler cousins and wrapped them too, a gift. “They won’t last past the weekend anyway.” I gave my sincere thanks, for that is what they were and wished him a Bon Weekend.
Arriving back at the apartment, I stacked my red peppers and tomatoes, leaving the flowers for last, until even after having wiped down the kitchen. I reached up into the glass cabinet to bring down the right vases and trimmed the stems. Lowering the bouquets into water, I arranged them with tiny pushes, a balancing act and was content with my work. Content with the soft feathering petals and light smoke of fragrance. Content in recognition, the pleasure of forgetting.
Francine, I still can't get over the video with you and the cheetah! I have thought about it off and on all day…Lesson Learned!
Yes, all of this absolutely rings true with me. My thoughts zoom ahead of my words, so that I will snatch at whichever comes to mind first, English or French. That can work with Remi but Remi only! And as a test, I tried to recall the title and author of what I am currently reading. The title came through as it is the amazing "The Museum of Innocence" but the author's name left me reaching.
And I don't know if rest has as much to do with it. We think the way that we do. From what I understand, once the railroad tracks of the neurons in our brain are built a certain way…well, it is mighty hard (but not impossible) to rebuild them "properly"…
Yes, beauty is the finest gift (along with hope and love which are a part of beauty) and scent is divne. I imagine you to be a fine partaker of perfume, Francine…even in your travels!
Ah, lucky you! I have to write post-it notes constantly…
Merci. That last photo almost looks like one of your sheets and silk photos, doesn't it?
Thank you. I am so sorry to hear about your stroke and the missing pieces that ensued. I know that for the periods in my life where I also just have vague ideas or feelings about what I think has happened, I question my sense of perspective. And rely on family to steer me straight…
A very you flower, Ann. And I couldn't agree with you more. I love them until every petal has fallen.
Leslie, you are so wonderful. This was very reassuring! Lately when I have been talking with my Mom on the phone, I have had to describe what certain words are in English because the word itself escapes me. Luckily she is patient and understanding. I actually have been trying to speak English more often in the house now because of that and hopefully it will help.
I am also grateful that she has such an amazing memory for tiny details and the family jokes. And yes, once she prods me a bit, it is rare that something doesn't come back. And it is interesting to me because all of these photos that I take (and I enjoy doing so) do not leave the same imprint as a real engraved memory, somehow. At times I look at them and they don't even seem real!
And yes, my puppers took me on a very lovely walk yesterday and it was just the thing–how did you know? Did Henry and Bob do the same?
Bisous,
H
That was very sweet of you, Contessa.
Wishing you nothing but peace and happiness for your wedding!!!
It seems my thought process is far too fast for my words. I feel frustrated as my sentences are loosing their fluidity. Ask me which book I am currently reading? i will not remember neither the title nor its author, and I do read! at least one book a week and as you, I keep all my books on my many overflowing bookshelves…. One would think than returning from a wonderful exotic vacation in Mozambique, my mind would be rested….
I am nurturing my peonies which are yet to bloom… the gift of beauty and scent is so precious.
I love peonies – and I am a forgetter too but my short-term memory is excellent!