Cat

While I am entirely a dog person, I have found myself thinking in a feline, Cat with Nine Lives kind of way. It started about a week ago when the glamorous Tabitha at Bourbon & Pearls revealed her current fetish (her word) for the romance of Russia. A lively dialogue developed in the comments section in which I mentioned having participated in a theatre festival in St. Petersburg during a cold, dark winter. The rippling surprise of her reaction encouraged me to remember that yes, I had done that and yes, it was an extraordinary experience. One that had been buried under the leaves of long ago. I tend to forget.

Remi hooked up the record player on New Year’s Day. For some reason we hadn’t bothered since moving in a year and a half ago, odd in itself. That evening, I sat on the floor with a glass of wine and flipped through the records slowly. More scattered leaves. Vinyl examples of personalities that are tried on, reworked; some kept guarded, others discarded.

In evolving towards Living to Work (being an actress in New York), then Living to Love (meeting Remi and moving to France), I arrived at Living to Discover (criss-crossing the world with him as a travel writer), all of which required different tastes and modes of being. How these things come and go, have come and gone. And it is the disappearing acts that have left me pondering.  

While I know I am not “what I do” and certainly not “what I wear” hopefully there is something brewing in the “how I am.” I have worked over the past year on being more in the present moment. A greater appreciation for the small moments right in front of me has arrived out of that. But I have been so focused on the now that I am left feeling a bit bare. Some layers have been stripped out of necessity, it is true. Along with the down-sizing that we have undergone in the past few years, I have also down-sized…myself. I have kept my house swept a little too clean. Now I want to remember that it is perfectly fine to let those fallen leaves linger while I inch my way towards whatever is Next. There is nothing wrong with a little surface suggestion or a waltz with what has been.

Time to dust off an album, put the needle on the record and let the music play.