Cat

While I am entirely a dog person, I have found myself thinking in a feline, Cat with Nine Lives kind of way. It started about a week ago when the glamorous Tabitha at Bourbon & Pearls revealed her current fetish (her word) for the romance of Russia. A lively dialogue developed in the comments section in which I mentioned having participated in a theatre festival in St. Petersburg during a cold, dark winter. The rippling surprise of her reaction encouraged me to remember that yes, I had done that and yes, it was an extraordinary experience. One that had been buried under the leaves of long ago. I tend to forget.

Remi hooked up the record player on New Year’s Day. For some reason we hadn’t bothered since moving in a year and a half ago, odd in itself. That evening, I sat on the floor with a glass of wine and flipped through the records slowly. More scattered leaves. Vinyl examples of personalities that are tried on, reworked; some kept guarded, others discarded.
In evolving towards Living to Work (being an actress in New York), then Living to Love (meeting Remi and moving to France), I arrived at Living to Discover (criss-crossing the world with him as a travel writer), all of which required different tastes and modes of being. How these things come and go, have come and gone. And it is the disappearing acts that have left me pondering.  

While I know I am not “what I do” and certainly not “what I wear” hopefully there is something brewing in the “how I am.” I have worked over the past year on being more in the present moment. A greater appreciation for the small moments right in front of me has arrived out of that. But I have been so focused on the now that I am left feeling a bit bare. Some layers have been stripped out of necessity, it is true. Along with the down-sizing that we have undergone in the past few years, I have also down-sized…myself. I have kept my house swept a little too clean. Now I want to remember that it is perfectly fine to let those fallen leaves linger while I inch my way towards whatever is Next. There is nothing wrong with a little surface suggestion or a waltz with what has been.

Time to dust off an album, put the needle on the record and let the music play.

I know that we are all formed by our past and our previous choices but I am curious–if you wish to share–how much of your past has stayed with you? Have you changed much over the years? 

44 comments

  1. Lovely post.

    Ravishing curls.

    Many lives.

    And it doesn't surprise us to read your mother's comment about ballgowns and combat boots (yes. Same here)

    Divine.

    Waving from Manhattan!

  3. This was undoubtedly one of the most beautiful posts I've ever read, and of course it made me smile and think of The Siamese Cat Song 🙂
    I am ever evolving and ever changing, influenced by my surroundings and at the moment I'm thinking, "what's next?" x

  4. That is what I mean, Ella. There are things that we have done or been through that somehow get pushed aside in the grand scheme of things even though they were important at the time. I love the idea of each being its own book too. Hm, made me smile that. I know that you have had many different "lives" too–and have such great adventures ahead!

    Gainsbourg, originals? You win. 🙂

  5. Virginia! You have to hurry up, Miss! You only have a few weeks left–if even! But I do agree that is the loveliest part of moving. We had to really rush in our last move and I missed that. Enjoy.
    xoxo,
    H

  6. Thank you Loree, I wish the same for you too. That and yes continued creativity so I can enjoy your lovely writing. 🙂 It is so interesting to me what you have to say about dreams as that is when parts of my "old life" tend to show up too! And often in a way that highlights things that either upset me or behavior that, like you, I am not proud of.

  8. No. Way. We too just hooked up our record player and listened to vinyls this weekend!! My future FIL stopped by with a bunch of original Gainsbourg records for us that were played on repeat. Drinking wine and listening to records – I can't think of anything more relaxing and romantic. : )

    I forget details about my past lives and not everything has shaped me into who I am today. Just recently I shared with Seb that I used to be an intern for the Beastie Boys' record label – a detail of my teenage life that I had forgotten about because so much life has happened since 1996 – and he thought that it was a little strange that I had never mentioned it before, considering I'm going to be his wife in a few months.

    I'm glad that you explored your "cat" side. There is something to be said about having many lives. They are more than just chapters, they are volumes in a grand book series.

  9. Yes, you are different in many ways, but the core of your being has not changed. You were a very courageous teenager wearing combat boots with a ripped up prom gown while living in a conservtive town. You never took the easy way and you still don't! Love, Mom

  10. Yes, you are different in many ways, but the core of your being has not changed. You were a very courageous teenager wearing combat boots with a ripped up prom gown while living in a conservtive town. You never took the easy way and you still don't! Love, Mom

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