While I am entirely a dog person, I have found myself thinking in a feline, Cat with Nine Lives kind of way. It started about a week ago when the glamorous Tabitha at Bourbon & Pearls revealed her current fetish (her word) for the romance of Russia. A lively dialogue developed in the comments section in which I mentioned having participated in a theatre festival in St. Petersburg during a cold, dark winter. The rippling surprise of her reaction encouraged me to remember that yes, I had done that and yes, it was an extraordinary experience. One that had been buried under the leaves of long ago. I tend to forget.
While I know I am not “what I do” and certainly not “what I wear” hopefully there is something brewing in the “how I am.” I have worked over the past year on being more in the present moment. A greater appreciation for the small moments right in front of me has arrived out of that. But I have been so focused on the now that I am left feeling a bit bare. Some layers have been stripped out of necessity, it is true. Along with the down-sizing that we have undergone in the past few years, I have also down-sized…myself. I have kept my house swept a little too clean. Now I want to remember that it is perfectly fine to let those fallen leaves linger while I inch my way towards whatever is Next. There is nothing wrong with a little surface suggestion or a waltz with what has been.
Time to dust off an album, put the needle on the record and let the music play.
I know that we are all formed by our past and our previous choices but I am curious–if you wish to share–how much of your past has stayed with you? Have you changed much over the years?
I just love the way you think Heather. I have thought of this often over the past years, often surprised at how similar my thoughts today are to those when I was just starting out. I had plans, goals and ambitions and if I had to make a list of the things that remain 'to be'…I imagine it would not be that different from the list I wrote at 20. This is the list outside of family, the personal one. An eternal optimist, I never say never…I prefer to think the best is yet to be. If you believe it in your heart, life has a way of surprising you. The trick is standing tall when the knocks come… it get's easier as you get older…only because you realise, at the end of the day, those little things that seemed monumental don't really matter at all. LIfe has to be lived, it is to precious to waste. Once you let go…the world is your oyster. 🙂
A few thoughts from Chateau Mango…as always Heather, thank you for getting me to take the time to remember.
Always a pleasure with you…
Jeanne xx
What a wonderfully provoking topic, dear Heather. I have enjoyed reading the varied responses.
I am so, so different than I was in high school or as a young bride at 22. It seems, though, that those differences are as a result of understanding the psychology within myself and others, and the differences that experiences of all kinds bring. My greatest changes came about as a result of divorce and sports injury, and both forced a deep introspection. Change is most difficult because we humans don't really want to face ourselves. The irony is that we cannot really know what is in our hearts and souls without that search. It doesn't have to take a tragedy for that search to be initiated, unless one is as bull-headed as I! What a gift, however, that cliched 'search for meaning'. And yet…the core of me is the same little girl who grew up at the beach, with sand and the sea in my soul, who has blossomed (as my mom used to tell me!) enriching my life with cultivation of personal abilities and passions, as I could not have foreseen as that younger me. I am blessed beyond my own understanding, brought to tears at this moment for my life, my family and friends and for the energy within my soul that keeps me ever-busy with something new everyday, curious-er & curious-er.
Thank you for your depth and skill at communication…those are some of your gifts!
xoxo, Chris
Let's see how well lived life will be if I can't spell "blanket". My grammar was always bad, but can spell like a trooper, or may not anymore…:)
First and foremost, I love your hair Heather. Love the cut, curls and heft just by the look of it. Gorgeous!
A long while back, I came across the saying "I'm not the same person I was yesterday and won't be the same person tomorrow". I don't know when I started looking at my life in the form of weaving a tapestry. And from the vantage point of now, unfolding what had been woven so far, I can see the lighter colors of the beginning, the weaves are not tight, crooked and unsteady at some places. Toward the middle years, there are richness in tone and color. Steadier weaves and velvety softness are starting to materialized. I plan to keep on adding finer strands and beautiful colors. At the end, I can roll myself into a finished blanked of a life well lived and fly away in it like the proverbial flying carpet, to that magical kingdom…:)
xo Amelia
Hooray! You are so inspiring, Jackie! I love it!! And I say to Remi sometimes, "Who knows what I will do in five years? Maybe I will be a chef!" which makes him laugh because I am way too lazy to be a chef–but it is fun to dream!
What a wonderful thought-provoking post, Heather! I love the phrase you used, 'bien dans sa peau'–good in her skin; perhaps because I've finally reached that point. I sometimes amuse myself by looking at old business cards (those tiny pieces of card stock that seemed back then to confirm somehow that I had a title and purpose for being)of mine and goodness I seem to have reinvented myself many times over but in each case what ever 'I was' for a period of time seems to have contributed or helped lead to what I am – I think I am better for each of those varied experiences. On the flip side,isn't it a joy to ponder what we might become in our next version of self? I can hardly wait to see that version of me!
See? That is why I asked and am so grateful for the responses. I am so very, very different than who I was at 17 in many, many ways. I am curious if my Mom would agree with me or not…
Is it looking back or cuddling what you've taken with you.
I'm just as I was at seventeen with much less trouble, maneuvering, and elasticity.
Thank you for your beautiful response and kind wishes, Lorrie. And I can only imagine what spending 20 years in South America must have given you–so many, many gifts and perspective. I feel that way about some of my travels in third world countries. We have so much to be grateful for! And you have also given me something to mull over: "The way we use life's experiences is up to us." Merci!
It is true that we would have so much to talk about on this subject if only we could all get together! Helen, I always appreciate your perspective and it is amazing to hear of your many reinventions, if not surprising!