“What is built up, what is torn down, what remains,” I say to describe what interests me the most in my work. Patina. In the immediate, on the surface and in ourselves. Save that there is no work. I am not writing and these are the few photos taken with my new camera which was bought with such hope in my wings. I am too tired from my day job to create. I cannot find the words, as much as I would like to, and that makes me very nervous. Pacing-like. Save that life is not always simple, there is light always too amidst the shadows that ache, and so I can throw like a flare against the sky, four words:
I have met someone.
Yes. I know you are happy for me. I can feel some of you clapping your hands, or raising them to your lips in little prayer, an automatic gesture. And even in the knowing of that, I am blessed.
Because here is the thing. Even when love comes calling…in all its beauty beyond divine…I now know that my own well-being is up to me. I cannot only be alive within another’s arms, even if I feel the comfort with a recognition that makes me cry. He is. And he is beautiful. But it is for me to find my way forward. With him, without him. Or together. On we go, with what we build up, what we tear down, what remains. It is so complex and yet so simple. Rising and falling like a breath.
This news is like Joy of Patou.
Very good to hear from you. Very happy for your new relationship. Much happiness to you.
Excellent, Rocket, Excellent! Float and enjoy within your new Love. Wishing you every happiness.
Bon chance you dear thing you…..
bonnie
Dear Heather…so lovely to hear from you. If we could only marry earning a living with feeding a soul, life would be perfect. Happy you have met someone. I agree that only you are responsible for your happiness…baby steps! Hugs from the States, Angela Muller
Heather, I give you joy! Your insights expressed so beautifully here are deep, and they resound in me. You/we choose our attitudes and in doing that, we color our lives. Oui. Courage!
I am indeed happy for you and hope you can find a way to be creative around this new relationship. As the French say “ courage” going forward . Best wishes.
I share your happiness, Heather. So glad to read this post, as I was just thinking yesterday, it had been awhile since your last post. You sound cautious, yet optimistic & grateful. Sending best thoughts your way as you move forward in this relationship. Enjoy your job and the blessings of this new adventure!
And just when I couldn't stand the silence anymore, here you are! And with words and images about breathing and patina that, well, take my breath away. You are right, I am thrilled that you "have met someone,' but agree that we are all responsible for our own well being. Even in the midst of a 35-year marriage, I am still working on that.
Oh, Heather. It seems necessary to wish you a combination of congratulations (for the someone you have met) and courage (for the day job).
I recently read an essay about whether a soul-sapping day job is part and parcel of becoming a real artist. Seriously.
As for the someone you met, it is as if the rain has stopped and the skies have parted. May the beautiful flowers bloom.
All in all, good news, no?