There has been a lot of rain this spring. It has been an unusual time and the storms have often been violent. I rarely see them coming. The man that I am dating makes things grow and I have learned through him to watch the clouds form and shift, into something beautiful or something dangerous. A hail storm arriving at the end of a previously sunny day can wipe out an entire years crop in twenty minutes. Just as too much humidity can tempt a certain insect to prosper overnight, leaving a field of strawberries that cannot be sold in its wake.
And yet life remains in bloom. The pears are on the trees, budding forward, filling form, bulbous.
Sometimes I pray to scatter the clouds. And sometimes I watch in wonder and let them be.
It is deeply humbling. This knowledge that there is always shadows, always light. It keeps repeating like the echo of approaching thunder, like the whisper of love in the crook of my neck.
And yet we don’t always wish to acknowledge that both exist, permanently…en permanence, un à côté de l’autre…that there is no dividing line, no simple answer. Save for when sometimes, divinely, there is. We all have our own moments of precious gifts, shining. A breath, a reprieve.
After my last post, or maybe the one before it, I received an Anonymous comment that I accidentally deleted but that has stayed with me. It was something along the lines of: “I was so happy to read what seemed like good news from you, until I realized that it wasn’t…again.” That disappointment. But I don’t want to hide my struggles, whether real or imagined (typed with a wry smile) because this is also the conversation that we need to be having. Openly, honestly.
I am not seeing what I want to read after the suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. There is much about what they accomplished but the act itself is often a link to a small article that is strict to the facts. Quotes from police examiners. Suicide by hanging…It makes my heart drop and tears rise just to type those three words. For I have great empathy that their struggles reached that point of no return, having known what is mercifully (and I use that word specifically) chronic low-grade depression most of my adult life but also periods that were dangerous, and life-threatening.
We have to move away from the shame in our society about depression and mental illness. We are seeing that now. Losses…out in the fields or within our hearts…are a wakeup call. Let’s listen. It is only through acknowledging openly the darkness when it arises, if it arises, that we can continue to grow. To hear a spring song, perhaps sung quietly, but in the tune of our own true voice.
For anyone who is directly or indirectly touched by depression or mental illness, please reach out. We are here for you.
With much Love and Gratitude,
I am honored by your creating this. It brings tears to my eyes. Yes, of course, I will send an address.
Thank you with all heart. With much love to you.
Judith, a response such as your own is the answer that I need to "should I keep going with this blog?" If what I write or photograph can help someone in any way then…there is nothing better that I can do in life. Thank you so much for your honesty about your brother. I feel for him. And yes, even if there is no response, know that your effort means so very much.
Thank you David.
“Let's listen. It is only through acknowledging openly the darkness when it arises, if it arises, that we can continue to grow. To hear a spring song, perhaps sung quietly, but in the tune of our own true voice.”
The photos show the clarity and abundance of iiving spring in nature and in life.
Let each dawn start with praise and gratitude.
What a wonderful gift you gave your mother, kindness, forgiveness and above all, understanding.
Thank you for sharing. It brought tears to my eyes! Ann
Judi, if you are near a college or university, sometimes there are courses that study the destination. You might meet lovely people in the class who then become your travel companions. The profs act as travel guides. I myself would like to go to Montreal to hear Andrea Bocelli in the fall but to get there is almost as expensive as going to Italy..
Heather,
I could not agree with you more, we have to call attention to depression and mental illness. So many people suffer and frankly there is such a stigma attached to it that people do not feel as if they can talk about it.
My Aunt suffered from bi-polar for many years and finally she had had enough and jumped in front of a train. Her family is still trying to come to terms with that decision.
This is YOUR space my friend so you continue to post about YOU! Those who want to read will read it and those who are not interested will move on.
I hope that you take care of yourself. A big hug to you.
xo Elizabeth
In the last year two of my friends have lost their sons to depression. We are not angry or disappointed or anything like that – we are full of love and heartbroken that this disease took them. We wish it had not happened. So it is important to not hide, to have the conversation, and for all of us to remember, reiterate, reinforce – life is as it is, everything you 'should' have achieved or have in your possession is not the right rule.
This does not stop me wishing you a good harvest though! xx
Always, your words inspire..it's why I keep coming back, longing for that voice that shines a light.
I just came back to Heather's blob to see if she happened to have responded and here I find three wonderful notes from her readers! I can't thank you enough for taking the time to write. I am going to look into each of these! Thank you!!!