So I have been living in this space for seven years now. Some of you have been too. Seven years. It’s a long span of time but of course it has passed so quickly, the beauty and the jagged all together. My heart is full.
Granted, you might be thinking, “Heather, you are baaaarely keeping this thing going.” Et vous avez raison. I am not going to dwell on why, we have already crossed that Bridge of Sighs plenty of times together. But even when I am not actually offering up to you my words and photographs – Look! Look! Look! – I am with you still.
So, it is with that trust, strong like a golden wire, that I have a question for you.
Yesterday, I took the train to Arles to see some art. I miss my little town. So I sat on the banks of the Rhone and felt the 2500 years of history flow through me as the sun caressed my cheek. I climbed the worn stone staircases of what is now the Musee Reattu just as the Knights of Malta did and smiled as the floors creaked reassuringly under my feet.
And I felt at home.
But then I started to do “the rounds,” to visit those that I knew before. Every person to a one handled me so delicately, largely with well-intentioned pity. “How are you, Heather? Really? Comment ça va?” All with the same head tilt of concern. I felt so uncomfortable that I could not tell them that actually, I have a job now and my own apartment or that I am starting to make new friends in a different town. That pity hung heavy between us like a veil.
Because, we are not broken. And as beaten as I have felt during this past year, I was always and am still breathing, grateful. The Beauty of this Life is undeniable.
I am not the person I once was. But none of us are.
So I think that it is time to ask the question that has been brewing in me since the very beginning of January, maybe earlier.
If I am not “Lost” and definitely not “Lost in Arles” then who can I be? Because I don’t feel Lost anymore. Struggling yes, often even, but not Lost. Everything, everything was and is completely meant to be.
This means that I no longer feel that the title of this blog fits. It is a hollow definition that is one of my last links to the past, but one that is starting to feel more and more like a chain holding me back from where I want to go.
As I am uncertain as to what that might be, I am turning to you. Community is always what I have celebrated on these anniversaries.
I am officially opening up the Suggestion Box for what new title this space may wear. Please feel free to leave a comment below or to email me at robinsonheather (at) yahoo.com if you prefer.
Hmmm, thought I'd posted a comment but likely did my usual thing of forgetting to Send. Then David Terry's comment totally cracked me up. SEO terms, indeed.
Something like Found in Arles, or even Found in France. That could cover a lot of bases.
Whatever it is, you're doing it right, however messy and untidy it may look. You are shining through, strong and complete.
and p.s. I haven't forgotten that you discovered that wonderful espadrille shop in Arles (?) and that we should go there one day. Saving my pennies.
Stumbled onto your blog not long ago and read your past posts. Your heart will tell you your new name but suggestions: "My French Chapter" or "Blooming in France"…
How about "My Road to There" or Heather's Road to There".
Some time ago you posted the audio of yourself reciting a poem. I was amazed and have never forgotten the strength in your spoken voice. As opposed to the sensitivity of voice I hear in your writing. Perhaps you might reflect on this strength of voice when considering a new name for the blog. Because to me you have never been lost at all. Continuing to send you love,
I have no suggestion regarding the name. However, I do think the time right to salute your courage, your tenacity, resilience, and wonderful creative spirit. The most difficult light to shine is that which dwells within us. Sharing our personal illuminations through written word is among the most courageous acts one can perform. I salute you for baring yourself, giving yourself, opening your personal space to others. Whatever moniker your decide upon, that bravely shined light will illuminate the path for like minded souls to your page. Bravo !
How about Robinson's Reverie?
How about Robinson's Reveries?
As I read and reread this beautiful post … comme toujours … Your words stayed with me "Because, we are not broken." And you, it is so obvious, are unbroken. <3
Good one!
Open to Beauty… Unfolding Life… You are such a glorious writer (thank you!) that you could almost take a portion of any of your sentences in recent postings. Whatever you chose, I'll continue to read and ponder. Thank you so much for that.