So I have been living in this space for seven years now. Some of you have been too. Seven years. It’s a long span of time but of course it has passed so quickly, the beauty and the jagged all together. My heart is full.
Granted, you might be thinking, “Heather, you are baaaarely keeping this thing going.” Et vous avez raison. I am not going to dwell on why, we have already crossed that Bridge of Sighs plenty of times together. But even when I am not actually offering up to you my words and photographs – Look! Look! Look! – I am with you still.
So, it is with that trust, strong like a golden wire, that I have a question for you.
Yesterday, I took the train to Arles to see some art. I miss my little town. So I sat on the banks of the Rhone and felt the 2500 years of history flow through me as the sun caressed my cheek. I climbed the worn stone staircases of what is now the Musee Reattu just as the Knights of Malta did and smiled as the floors creaked reassuringly under my feet.
And I felt at home.
But then I started to do “the rounds,” to visit those that I knew before. Every person to a one handled me so delicately, largely with well-intentioned pity. “How are you, Heather? Really? Comment ça va?” All with the same head tilt of concern. I felt so uncomfortable that I could not tell them that actually, I have a job now and my own apartment or that I am starting to make new friends in a different town. That pity hung heavy between us like a veil.
Because, we are not broken. And as beaten as I have felt during this past year, I was always and am still breathing, grateful. The Beauty of this Life is undeniable.
I am not the person I once was. But none of us are.
So I think that it is time to ask the question that has been brewing in me since the very beginning of January, maybe earlier.
If I am not “Lost” and definitely not “Lost in Arles” then who can I be? Because I don’t feel Lost anymore. Struggling yes, often even, but not Lost. Everything, everything was and is completely meant to be.
This means that I no longer feel that the title of this blog fits. It is a hollow definition that is one of my last links to the past, but one that is starting to feel more and more like a chain holding me back from where I want to go.
As I am uncertain as to what that might be, I am turning to you. Community is always what I have celebrated on these anniversaries.
I am officially opening up the Suggestion Box for what new title this space may wear. Please feel free to leave a comment below or to email me at robinsonheather (at) yahoo.com if you prefer.
Lost and Found was my first thought, too!
Yes, a new title is called for here!
We all need to stay a little lost, a little wild, to stay brave and committed to our real journeys, our authentic life experience. Finding oneself should be an interlude between adventures, so you don't need to counterbalance the 'lost' or replace Arles – this is my opinion of course, there's always different ways to think of things.
I don't have a new title for you – just think you should go somewhere that calls you and dream, I think that's where the new title will be.
And Ughhhh to pity!!
Although it helps to define what you've moved on from, like stepping out of a crusty old chrysalis, and the best thing about being human is that we get more than one chrysalis moment in our lives. xxx
At first, and before I read the comments, I thought "Found in France" but I agree that you might not wish
to limit yourself to France. You could go "Sogno di Venezia –– I Dream of Venice". Glad to hear that things are better.
Hmmm…I'm going to ponder this a little. Like Judi of Little House, I don't think you should limit your location, and your words and photographs are what brought me back, even if I originally found you because of France. Maybe just your name? Or the title of one of your posts? "It's always the beginning somewhere" is sitting at eye level as I write this….that seems appropriate. I'll be thinking, and cheering you on!
I too will be thinking about this. I actually see you as an explorer, a visual wordsmith, and one that might just end up in Venezia for an extended stay, life, and maybe back to Provence, or maybe Malta, or Greece, etc – so, for that reason, I might want something which limits you only to France. Although we all love France, we love you, your writing and your photography – we will follow you anywhere! Just flashed on part of an old song …”Let me take you there!”
I agree; time for a change of title. I really liked several of the suggestions made and others not – nothing too literal or limiting. But do I have the perfect one? Not so wise. Suspect you'll think of several, try them in different fonts and such and then one morning at 3:00 am, voila, it will come to you. bonne chance.
Regarding "I have a job now:" has the contract been extended or has it turned into employment?
Regarding the title of this blog: I've always wondered what "Lost in France" meant. While I like all of the above suggestions for a new title, how about, in line with Taste of France and Robin, "Found in France" or "Exploring in France?"
With continuing happiness for you and inspiration by you, Leslie
Oh, Dear Old Heather…….you're not supposed to write things and make the boys cry at 5:16 in the afternoon, way over herein North Carolina, but your heart-strikingly/obviously sincere posting just did so.
I, as you know, have also finally "come through" (or at least I thought, until last week, that I had "come through")a divorce and all the cataclysmic upheavals that attended it……..and now I find that my jumping-off spot is likely to be merely the first jumping-off spot. It's terribly difficult to digest, so to speak……and there are plenty of nights in the past week when I get in the bed with the dogs, let them curl up around me me, and think "Oh God…just when I thought we were finally safe and sound…."….and I'm glad that they don't understand English/talking.
It just doesn't end, does it?
That said? you post was very helpful to me just now. Here's my gift to you……take a title that I stole (years ago, for my second gallery show) from Muriel Spark (one of my favorite novelists). She stole it from elsewhere (it happens to be criminal offense in England).
Call your blog "Loitering With Intent: Pictures from One Woman's Expatriate Life".
your photographs are as fine and evocative as your writings. you create a complete picture for your readers. I know that you often feel "lost"…..but I've rarely read someone's writings and thought "Oh….she's definitely going somewhere….she's just not there yet….".
I do wish you were simply simply at my kitchen table tonight, so that we could toss around ideas…….I'd ask you to play around with the words "wonder" and "wander".
That said (and you know how fond I am of you and your work)?….you could always try "FREE Hot Sexy NOW FOR YOU TONIGHT! ASIAN TWINS Teenage Boy Girls BOY GIRL Love Sexy TWIN-GIRLS Action NAKED S&M HILARY CLINTON lesbian-three-way HOT action Breasts Penis Enhancement Gay Man MASSIVE enlargement Juicy sex GAY thrills NOT AVAILABLE IN STORES plus FREE SEXY TIME VIDEOS FREE FREE FREE CREDIT CARDS ACCEPTED AND PAYPAL!!!!"
I promise you….it'll get you lots of hits, if nothing else (beyond, perhaps, a visit from Interpol…particularly if you add a paypal button/icon).
Otherwise, I'd go for "Loitering With Intent"…..and I mean that as a gift to you….and you know how deeply I admire your work.
sincerely,
David Terry
Hillsborough, NC
Hi Katherine!
well, there’s Hudson in Provence… which Heather knows well about.
Photographing Provence