Do you often revisit the same dream landscapes? To a point that you feel that they have become a real neighborhood in your life, not just one in your mind? I do.
There are train stations, vaguely New Yorkish, where I have memorized that I need to go up a certain staircase if I hope to make my connection on time (make of that what you will) and mysterious houses, vaguely Victorian, that recall my childhood homes more than the actual structures ever could.
All this to say that I am not someone who is, at any given moment, one hundred percent certain if I am dreaming or awake. It isn’t practical, but it is a part of who I am, certainly in the present circumstances.
For they are hazy and there is a lot that I can’t quite share with you in order to respect the privacy of this particular transition. Parsimony is required. So I am not lying nor hiding, just doing what I can, when I can. It has been nearly an entire year of unfolding, waiting and seeing while clasping the reins of action nonetheless.
I know where I am without knowing at all. The surroundings that I recognize so well and yet that are not mine for the taking confirm that, mirror a bit mocking if I take it so. At best, I observe and enjoy. And I am aiming for the best, no matter where that path will take me.
In an hour, I will leave for a real not dreamed train station for a trip of short distance. There will be a 45 minute wait in which I will watch the passerby and wonder if they ever feel the same about their lives or if they are tucked up tight in the swathes of certainty.
The sun is bright. I feel it on the tops of my hands as I type in a way that reminds me that I am wide awake. Right in this very particular moment, I don’t need to look to the past or ahead. Can I just hold it like an inbreath, this croisement between dreaming and reality? This sweet gift of now?
Have a wonderful weekend, everyone.
Thank you so much for reading along with me during what is admittedly a quiet time.
But there is still much beauty to be found…and revisited.
I am grateful for that, always.
Your kindness is always so appreciated, Kathy. At times I am gentle with myself but I also have my days, unproductive ones, where I scream at myself, "what are you doing?!" in frustration. I will try to stay on track. Thank you.
Just that much is more than enough, Joan. xo
Oh dear Uncle David. That is so perfect. I wish that it wasn't which is just further proof that it is. Thank you so very much for sending it to me, especially as I have still not attacked T.S. Eliot, thinking myself too foolish.
With much Love and Gratitude, h
Shireen, if I do manage to stay here, that is actually something that I would like to make happen. 🙂
Wow. I love this! But I have also had the experience of dreaming places before I encounter them too…which freaks me out a bit! My memory is so rotten, if I had known that you lived in Africa, I had forgotten and would love to know more…
One of my favorite quotes for this time of my life, Emm. Thank you.
You always seem to appreciate the more atmospheric photos, Judith and I am so grateful for it! And yes, life is so uncertain…but look what beautiful surprises you have had of late…gives one hope.
Yes, love the importance of the attitude of gratitude.
Thank you for the fine compliment too!
Trying, friend, trying.
But not nearly as exciting! I knew you would understand what I was trying to get at with this post. xo