It feels like we will never be the same sometimes. I understand.
Because we won’t and we aren’t, already. How our life changes and changes us, so swiftly, every day, so that we are swept up, often mercifully unaware, just breathing, moving through.
A wise friend counseled me not long ago that sometimes, there are no answers. I wanted so desperately to understand what had happened in my life, to get that knowledge all under control so that I could heal but I couldn’t. Because the answers were not mine to give. And finally, I can only be responsible for myself.
These are dark times. Since the Thursday night terrorist attack in Nice, I have been crying and praying. I collapsed on my knees from the pain and buried my head into the seat of my reading chair like a child, spent.
One night, right before I left Provence, she gave me an au revoir sunset. Spectacular. I leaned out of the window from the room of my own and photographed each phase until night. I sat with the weight of my shattered heart and every time I have looked at these photos since then, I am taken directly back to those emotions of deep loss and fear. And yet I kept them.
Yesterday, I realized that we could reverse their order and count back to the beginning, to light.
And in so doing, we can gently remove layer after layer of the veils that cover our truest nature.
Love.
Therein lies the path to sanity – one that I need to consciously be on right now – and eventually, through our grieving, to Peace.
There is no room to apologize for what might sound overly sentimental in emergencies such as these, so I will just say, “I need you. Can we do this together?” Ok, then, thank you. Here we go.
To Peace.
I am sending you all so much love and strength right now. It is all I know to do. My prayers are for all of us, for those directly touched by this unspeakable tragedy in my beautiful adopted country and beyond.
I have been listening to this album by Moby before going to bed. It has helped me. I find the first movement especially beautiful. You can find it for free by clicking here.
On Thursday, I stayed up late praying and meditating. I use the Insight Timer app on my phone and one of the things that I really appreciate about it is that I can see who else is using it at the same moment all over the world. Well, at around 2am, I could see so many people waking up in France and joining me, far more than I had ever seen online before. That gave me so much hope. It is our instinct to survive and find our way out of the darkness, be it personal or collective. I only have an inkling of “why” we are being put through such trials but again, having an answer is not really the solution.
We are.
Maybe I shouldn't be so presumptious, but I counted you in a long time ago, friend. 😉
Sending a big hug to you. Hoping that your children are handling this as well as to be expected.
I so whole-heartedly agree with you, Jill. The responses such as yours here buoy my heart with hope. Amitiés, h
Am very much feeling that, Jackie. Bisous.
Merci, David.
Thank you for the love, Deborah and thank you for asking. I have thought for a long time about offering a few images for sale as prints. And I could really use the money! So maybe soon I will get the courage together to do so. It can't hurt to try.
And yes, I do think that there are many who are praying for peace and love too.
Thank you, Leslie. Much love to you.
Yes, Marsha. But I do think that it is also up to us to make the change as well. We can't wait much longer.
Hoping you are still happy in Hawaii,
H
Much Mahalo to you, Bill and I feel the same about my connection to such a wise and wonderful friend as yourself.
Lourdes, I have wanted to email you for a long time. Especially as I think that we have a lot in common beyond our mutual friendship with one of the world's most amazing women. Your perspective and phrasing here only reinforces that sentiment although (and I knew this from your comments at HSD) I am truly sorry that you have been through heart-break as well. I am going to try and find an email for you through your profile. If you don't hear from me and happen to check back here would you mind writing me at robinsonheather at yahoo dot com? With much love and light right back to you,
H