It feels like we will never be the same sometimes. I understand.
Because we won’t and we aren’t, already. How our life changes and changes us, so swiftly, every day, so that we are swept up, often mercifully unaware, just breathing, moving through.
A wise friend counseled me not long ago that sometimes, there are no answers. I wanted so desperately to understand what had happened in my life, to get that knowledge all under control so that I could heal but I couldn’t. Because the answers were not mine to give. And finally, I can only be responsible for myself.
These are dark times. Since the Thursday night terrorist attack in Nice, I have been crying and praying. I collapsed on my knees from the pain and buried my head into the seat of my reading chair like a child, spent.
One night, right before I left Provence, she gave me an au revoir sunset. Spectacular. I leaned out of the window from the room of my own and photographed each phase until night. I sat with the weight of my shattered heart and every time I have looked at these photos since then, I am taken directly back to those emotions of deep loss and fear. And yet I kept them.
Yesterday, I realized that we could reverse their order and count back to the beginning, to light.
And in so doing, we can gently remove layer after layer of the veils that cover our truest nature.
Love.
Therein lies the path to sanity – one that I need to consciously be on right now – and eventually, through our grieving, to Peace.
There is no room to apologize for what might sound overly sentimental in emergencies such as these, so I will just say, “I need you. Can we do this together?” Ok, then, thank you. Here we go.
To Peace.
I am sending you all so much love and strength right now. It is all I know to do. My prayers are for all of us, for those directly touched by this unspeakable tragedy in my beautiful adopted country and beyond.
I have been listening to this album by Moby before going to bed. It has helped me. I find the first movement especially beautiful. You can find it for free by clicking here.
On Thursday, I stayed up late praying and meditating. I use the Insight Timer app on my phone and one of the things that I really appreciate about it is that I can see who else is using it at the same moment all over the world. Well, at around 2am, I could see so many people waking up in France and joining me, far more than I had ever seen online before. That gave me so much hope. It is our instinct to survive and find our way out of the darkness, be it personal or collective. I only have an inkling of “why” we are being put through such trials but again, having an answer is not really the solution.
We are.
Heather, thank you for your heartfelt post. There is surely a groundswell of those praying for love and peace right around the globe at this moment.
I hope you are resting and healing.
Your series of sky photos are stunning, especially when viewed as a group. Had you thought of printing some of your images and making them available for sale?
Sending you love.
Deborah – Melbourne.
With you with love and condolence, Heather, and working toward better times, Leslie in Oregon
A brilliant post, Heather.
Goodness will eventually prevail, however, horrible it will be to get there.
We are all shocked & horrified, standing stock-still, praying the politics of the world can actually generate this goodness again.
"Counting back to light" .. this heading alone scores a perfect 10 .. reminding us that where there is light, no darkness can exist. Ours is to continue focusing on that light .. filling the darkest, coldest, most desolate and dispicable regions of our reality with its soft, healing power. Mahalo et Merci for this poignant "reminder", Heather .. your "connection" benefits all of us who are fortunate enough to read these words.
Dear Heather, I do not know what happened to break your heart, my heart was also broken into a million pieces and I too just wanted to understand and know the "why?"
At the end I let it go because I had no control about what happened only how I would choose to react to it and it helped me move on.
I too was overwhelmed by sadness when once again we were witnesses to hate and the destruction of precious lives. The world is hurting and we need to band together for all corners of it and concentrate on the light on positive energy and love. I send you all of mine and wish you peace and healing.
Lourdes
I don't want to sound glib, but "I'm in!" I have to find my positive light, my heart truly needs to stay open, even though it is hurting right now. Such a tragedy as in Nice just taps into all my loss and sorrow wells up for what those dear family and friends are going through in Nice and their loved ones around the world. Thank you for your light!
Yes we can. Count on me.
Yes, we will go through this together. It is an honor. Thank you for your sentiments of love and peace.
When in despair with fortune and men's eyes (to misquote gleefully), I try to back away for a bit, get some perspective. We live so much in a 24/7 world, where the horrors are flung at us non-stop, that it becomes too much to bear. I turn everything off from time to time.
I grieve for France, too, and for all the people whose lives are being shattered by the wars of the Middle East. And I reflect on how very privileged I am to live in a place of prosperity and security.
Your photographs are glorious. Just by posting those, you are doing something to bring peace and beauty into the world.
Heather, this post takes my breath away. And I feel better for having experienced it. Thank you. The horror in Nice has me reeling, too. And I agree, the solution is us.