Who are you when you are away from home?
Do you feel like you carry yourself intact – your own little bubble bouncing within the big blue marble – wherever you are? Or do you feel the edges start to blur and shift as they tend to when you are picking your way through an unknown forest, senses alive and prickling?
I have been away from Provence – and from Remi and the dogs – since May 28th. My Mom took time off to be with me for a week and we all helped my Sister move into a beautiful new home. During those busy days, filled with action and movement, I strode forth as Heather Who Lives in France, carried by the song of my life there. But now my Mom and Sister have gone back to their normal schedules and I am spending quite a bit of time alone.
Already, I have found the ground to be a bit slippery underfoot. The tune of “Who I Am” is slowing down and in the quiet of this undefined environment, certain notes are hanging off the bottom of the scale. I don’t particularly mind.
When Remi and I were travelling for our work, I came to relish that stripping down process. The rich simplicity of directly and continually encountering something new. There is usually little room for the noise in our personalities during such experiences.
Here too I see how malleable I am. To pick me up and put me down somewhere else, amidst other loves and interests feels like an opportunity, not only to express other aspects of who I can be – such as being literally and culturally understood – but within the remove of my daily definitions to remember the core of my heart.
Step by step, I crunch across the leaves, I lift my legs over the fallen branches and rise up on tip-toe to try and take in the view.
Even within such seeming stillness, much is happening…
Thank you for the kind words, Rudri. It is interesting because now I live in the country and am far more aware of how much is going on even in the quiet!
Love the photographs and your musings, Heather. The line that resonated with me the most is the one at the end – how stillness is not as pure as one envisions. There is always a backstory.
Love this post! I think this is the best thing about travel – even if it's somewhere we've been before. We find other aspects of ourselves. Amazing!
Clare x
Oh you do? Which is the "side of the pines" pic, Sister? Enquiring minds want to know!
And I think of you as someone that is always in touch with the core of your heart. 🙂
Virginia, I know that through our friendship, you "see" me more clearly than a lot of people do but still this did surprise me as it is so true for me. I am very much looking forward to the new house, to moving, to starting again. And yes, I dearly hope that this sense of unsettledness, which I feel even here in the States (never the case) will dissipate then…
Judith, these photos were actually taken in Provence too, on the trip when we rented the mazet – actually all of the recent photos are from that time. I haven't downloaded any of the photos that I have taken while here in the States yet and honestly this trip I have barely taken any!
I understand K's feelings very well – even if I have never been on such an extensive and indepth journey. I wish him well as he transitions back to this culture and a very different lifestyle in the States.
Travelling, even during a walk that we have taken many times, always gives us the opprtunity to experience something new. I know that you know that Edgar. 🙂
David, I am so excited about your extremely generous gift – I keep looking out for the mail truck to arrive! And it really was so much fun to talk to you – not a word I usually would apply towards a conversation but fun it was…
Jackie, it is odd to be defined by what we do (or don't do), isn't it? I know that when Remi and I were travelling so much for work, we had a lot of difficulties making new friends because of those same definitions. But we both know how truly incredible it is to have the gift of travel under our wings. It is worth all of the teasing in the world… 😉 And as you are fortunate, as I am, to travel with your partner in life, well, our Home is portable too…
This is a really interesting idea, as tinged with sadness as it may be. I think that someone who is certain of their home, most certainly in these nomadic times, is truly blessed. And thank you, yes, after many years of city living, I am very, very attracted now to the free for the taking beauty of the nature of my youth.
This is so beautifully put, Lorrie. And I know this dichotomy well, very well. I think that the place that I felt most at home was either Santa Cruz, California (where no matter how "unusual" I was no one would bat an eye) or afterwards in Manhattan (ditto plus the utter sense of possibility that you mention and the respect for art) – but both of those were linked to very specific ages in my life too. As I mentioned to Suze, I might feel more adrift in my everyday life right now.