Who are you when you are away from home?
Do you feel like you carry yourself intact – your own little bubble bouncing within the big blue marble – wherever you are? Or do you feel the edges start to blur and shift as they tend to when you are picking your way through an unknown forest, senses alive and prickling?
I have been away from Provence – and from Remi and the dogs – since May 28th. My Mom took time off to be with me for a week and we all helped my Sister move into a beautiful new home. During those busy days, filled with action and movement, I strode forth as Heather Who Lives in France, carried by the song of my life there. But now my Mom and Sister have gone back to their normal schedules and I am spending quite a bit of time alone.
Already, I have found the ground to be a bit slippery underfoot. The tune of “Who I Am” is slowing down and in the quiet of this undefined environment, certain notes are hanging off the bottom of the scale. I don’t particularly mind.
When Remi and I were travelling for our work, I came to relish that stripping down process. The rich simplicity of directly and continually encountering something new. There is usually little room for the noise in our personalities during such experiences.
Here too I see how malleable I am. To pick me up and put me down somewhere else, amidst other loves and interests feels like an opportunity, not only to express other aspects of who I can be – such as being literally and culturally understood – but within the remove of my daily definitions to remember the core of my heart.
Step by step, I crunch across the leaves, I lift my legs over the fallen branches and rise up on tip-toe to try and take in the view.
Even within such seeming stillness, much is happening…
Thank you for the kind words, Sweets. An aesthete is a mighty fine compliment to my ears! You know, I think that I am different from Kristin because I have always been on the move – we moved quite a bit in my childhood and how many, many times in my young adulthood so I actually might feel better on the move? Maybe. I'll have to think about that.
Bisous.
I know what you mean, Loree. I certainly felt that way when I moved to France and still don't feel as though I "belong" there even though I do love it so. And I had an incredible experience on my first trip to Florence, Italy, where I was so at home that it freaked me out! I wondered if I had lived there in a past life…?
Emilia, I agree with you entirely and know that the travelling that Remi and I did together was the most important, most formative thing that I have managed to do in my life so far. It utterly changed me and how I saw the world and most certainly the people in it.
In a small town like Arles, it is really easy to tell who has always stayed there for their lives and who has "gotten out" – even if they did return. Sadly to say, a lot of the extremist politics seem to come from those who have a very, very limited version of what the world can be…
Yes, for those that read the comments here – this worked! I picked up the phone and called David immediately upon reading it and we had a fantastic conversation. He is as smart, funny and wonderful as his comments here are…
Beautiful words and photos, as always! I don't travel much these days, but find that "who I am" can vary even when I stay put, depending on things such as my company, my mood/outlook, etc. And certain things always help me remember the core of my heart: family, nature, my puppies, my music, meditating, etc. We are grateful to have you here, in whatever state you are in – the understatement of the year! p.s. I love the mushroom and the side-of-pines pic – wishing I had prints of those to hang in our new home!!
This feeling seems to be a continuing one…developing, as it were, from your last couple of months at "home" in Provence…that feeling of things not quite being settled, not quite being secure, not quite being content….perhaps it will sort itself out when you move into your new home. But it seems to me that "home" for you is always going to be a forest of some sort or another…whichever continent; that seems to be your special place where your soul is allowed to wander freely on tangents.
Oh, and as an aside, this forest in your images is incredibly beautiful….
Oh, Jackie….I know what you're talking about. For various reasons, all-too-many ( at least in my opinion, although I keep quiet about the matter) folks introduce or refer to me as "Oh, David's an ARTIST…..he doesn't work" (etcetera) or "You can't ever get hold of David….you know how these ARTITS are…" and "Oh WELL……you know how these English majors are!". It's all supremely irritating in its reductiveness, particularly since they usually say these things while they're shoving my food down their mouths….and I wonder who they think cleaned the house, shopped for the food, cooked it, served it, and no doubt will be cleaning up afterwards (just for the record?…it's been a couple of decades since any of them stayed behind, after a dinner party, to help clean up).
On the much-brighter side of things?….Miss Heather called me on the telephone yesterday, and we spent a very merry hour& a half wildly skipping from topic to topic (books, travels, how-nice-Remi-is, how utterly inept the State Deparment's Visa adminstration is, etcetera, ad infinitum). It was so much good, invigorating fun that it brought out the retired skoolmarm in me; I promptly sat down at the computer and ordered six books I want Heather to read…..and, yes, I had them mailed in care of her Mommer (who will, I hope, dole them out to Heather asand if she continues to mind hermanners while visiting Ypsilanti).
Level Best as Ever,
David Terry
http://www.davidterryart.com
This post is amazingly aligned with a transition taking place here in our home. Our traveler is finding his footing, realizing how beloved his last 'home' had become and wondering why we don't all immediately recognize how much he has changed inside. When I travel, and especially when I am alone, which is rare these days, I am hyper-aware of my edges, where and how I fit – or not- in my new surroundings. It is a bit of a rebirth, a loosening of those boundaries, as you express better than I ever could.
And, it feels a little strange to see surroundings so similar to my own show up in your blog!
"Step by step, I crunch across the leaves, I lift my legs over the fallen branches and rise up on tip-toe to try and take in the view."
And the beauty of what you see is experienced. A new abundance.
Interesting post, Heather, as I am usually introduced by name and the phrase, ". . .she travels." or "she's never home." both of which make me sound like a rootless idiot bouncing around the world without sense of direction or purpose. But the whole concept of 'home' is an interesting one isn't it? Home is where the heart is, perhaps still best defines the who and where of our lives. And since David is a regular contributor here and I feel like I've gotten to know him through your blog, let me wish him a Happy Birthday!!