While I was walking through the forest above L’Isle sur la Sorgue, I couldn’t stop seeing lines. There were forms in the trees and the underbrush and they seemed to be pointing me in several directions all at once. I was thinking about friendship.
I have written before that it can be lonely at times living overseas – “can” being the operative word here and “challenging” being a far more satisfying word then maudlin “lonely.” But there are moments, increasingly with age, where I just want to be understood. A line drawn with a strong hand that doesn’t need to be interpreted.
Now don’t get me wrong. I knew what, or who, to be more precise, I was signing up for when I came on board for this adventure and it has been a marvelous one. Plus, I am giddy to announce that I will be heading back to the States at the end of the month for a long-overdue visit. My Mom has promised me that I will be “spoiled” and by that she is not referring to goods, although there will be that too. She understands.
Our virtual world can be so incredibly giving, glowing in generosity. So many voices that reach out tendril like towards mine and mine back to them. Sinewy yet delicate. I am quite honored to have been chosen by my friend Jeanne at Collage of Life to participate in a writerly blog tour for example, more of that next Monday. The world is our oyster and a love for similar beauties are often the uniting cord.
But I have learned that there are no commitments in virtual friendships either. People disappear, connections end. At times, even the most hardy of us need a mirror to reflect back our image but if that mirror is virtual, what do we do?
It must be then that the lines that I cross are one’s that I draw in the dirt myself, my own boundaries that move about with the fluidity of the light darting through the trees. Just as the sticks and stones of our daily life are ours to drop and snap in two. Especially those that we use against ourselves.
I feel imminently grateful to be a part of a world-wide community. I look in amazement at the Visitor Tracker on the sidebar and see “South Africa” “Tokyo” and “Ohio” flip up one after the next. But as I followed those lines in the forest…and kept coming up against the same patterns…
returning to the exact same forms unconsciously…
I followed the path back to me.
It may seem so obvious but how often I forget the importance of being strong in a community of one.
We all need to fill our tanks from time to time. I am happy for you that you can…Have a wonderful time and come back to us refreshed. Beautiful post.
I absolutely understand that. Sending Gratitude to you for your honesty and perspective.
Thank you my dear friends for your empathy and kindness. Yes, I am sure that a visit to my "home country" and to see the rest of my family will do me a world of good. I am very close to my Mom and my Sister (I think that you know that my Dad passed away several years ago) and so absolutely need to see them – and they feel the same way about me. I am so grateful to be so loved and to be appreciated by such truly exceptional people as yourselves.
One of my favorite lines in a television series is the last line of Sex in the City. Did you ever watch that show? The main character says, in the end, the most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves. It was impactful.
This was a beautiful, well-written post, Heather. I wish the absolute best to you during your overdue visit to the States, girl.
I've been reading, "On My Own: The Art of Being a Woman Alone" by Florence Falk — not because I am alone or even want to be alone but, because exactly as you say, I also want to be my own strong "community of one." Friendship is indeed like those sticks, sometimes aligned, sometimes intersecting, sometimes smothering, and sometimes very, very separate.
We are probably more committed than you know Heather – I look out for your blog – but what I realise is that in the rush of modern hours we sometimes take and don't give back – and this is quite poignant – we are reading and not commenting, but rest assured you have a special place in our hearts and your words and pictures lighten the day – all the time!! They inspire and create new energy for me and I can only say thanks for this – travel safe and feel the warmth – we would be a lot poorer without your wonderful energy coming down the net!!
Heather, this is such a beautiful, bittersweet post. I'm so glad that you realized how strong you stand as a community of one, but also emphasize with your feelings of loneliness. I am blessed with an amazing gaggle of girlfriends and am soooo lucky to have them in my life. But I'm the only one without children. Sometimes I have to work a little harder… they all seem to have this instant social lubricant through their little ones, I do feel a bit left out sometimes. But. When it comes down to it, we are all communities of one. We are all on our own paths and, like I find myself saying all the time, better to celebrate the wonderful life we have then to waste time regretting what wasn't in the cards. But I hear your heart and understand, if just a little bit.
Looks like I missed some gorgeous posts while I was away – loved your line about the unripe fig in the previous one and was so tickled with your photos of the mosaics. Hope you have sorted your email problems – guess what? My mail chimp email didn't go out last night as far as I can tell. Boo. Anyway, here's to the challenges that make us better people, right? XOXO
Beautiful words, beautiful images. I love this: "A line drawn with a strong hand that doesn't need to be interpreted." To be understood without elaboration is a gift we often take for granted, in relationships as well as language and culture.
I'm so glad you're getting a trip home soon. Enjoy every moment.
xo
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Your photos are exquisite, tender, poignant. I love them. And I would say wherever we are we need to know how to be a community of one. That's often hard and draining so it's lovely when we get a visit home and can refuel. So excited for you that you will be seeing your family soonish.