I am frowning at the back of my camera. Remi, who has already passed ahead on the trail, stops, sees my expression and asks, “What is it?” I blow out my lips in frustration, horse-like. “Well…it’s just that…sometimes I just can’t get it. I can’t capture what I see.” “Show me.” I do. Three pinecones lolling from skinny branches. “Do you want the background to be blurry?” That’s it. “It doesn’t look like anything if everything is in focus,” I whine. “I want them to float.” “Well, then you need to work on your depth of field,” he responds. I practically slap my forehead with the my palm. I always forget. Photographing in manual is interesting because you get to choose. I can shift the focus.
I am often asked about the title of this blog, usually half-jokingly, half-hoping, “You aren’t really lost, right?” I get a lot of comments about being “found” too. But the truth is, when I launched into this particular form of writing coming up on four years ago, I really needed to find my way. I was coming off the most difficult year of my life – my Dad had died, we had to sell our beloved home and gallery due to the financial crisis – one that had crumbled the French press and left me without work as a travel writer. I was truly floundering at sea and floating in pain and worry, without direction.
I give all credit where credit is due. Remi, my wonderful companion, the man who knows what I am feeling from the next room even when I haven’t said a word, floated out the suggestion that I start a blog. I will admit it again as I have before that I scoffed outright. At the time, I felt that bloggers were simply folks who couldn’t cut their teeth in the professional world of the press where I had come from – similar to the ridiculous expression, one that makes my blood boil now, “Those who can’t do teach.” But he insisted, gently. And one day, a good a day as any, I heard him and realized that I could type with my inactive hands and by doing so, I could change things for myself by simply being creative.
Writing has it’s tides and the irony isn’t lost on me that I was asked to participate in a blog tour by my friend, the truly lovely Jeanne Henriques at Collage of Life during a time when the waves are far from the shore. “Rien dans ce monde n’arrive par hasard.” So I have been taking steps back, quiet ones, all the better to get a better picture of how the machine works. I have already had the distinction of being interviewed by another friend, Judith Ross, about my process as a blogger for an article Talking Writing Magazine. What is interesting to me is to see how that too has shape-shifted as of late and even better, to pass on that baton to three incredible women.
So on to the blog tours standard questions:
What am I working on?
Whew, that is a knee-slapper. What am I not working on? I realize that this question is meant to be answered in terms of “projects” – a word that makes me press my mouth together in a flat line of consternation – but why not answer honestly: “on rebuilding my self-confidence” “on sharpening my eye” “on trusting”…true, I would eventually like to build a book out of Lost in Arles but it is a slow process. I have nothing but great admiration for those who have already done so. This chapter of my life in Arles is nearing to a close, so I think that the right moment to culminate my random pieces into something whole might be at hand. I love the idea of having something solid to hold in my hands, especially as I have been struggling with the ephemeral nature of the internet as of late.
How does my writing/work differ from others in its genre?
If you have read this far, you have probably already gotten a taste that I don’t sugar-coat what I share. Yes, this is Provence and I am so proud to be able to celebrate its beauty but my life is not perfect, no one’s is. I would rather be honest about that or not write at all.
I am also a stickler for only creating my own content, visually and verbally. There aren’t that many of us out there that do that these days. Lately, I have gone back to something that I used to enjoy a lot – which is weaving the texts and images together so that it becomes – well, hopefully – a joyful interplay.
Why do I write what I do?
I was taking tea with Vicki Archer – one of the smartest women that I have the privilege to know – and she told me, as she had a year previously, “You really need to know why you are doing this.” “I do it for me,” I responded immediately, also for the second time. Remi has been instrumental in reminding me to stay true to my own interests from the beginning. “Don’t try and please others,” he insists. It took about a year for that to sink in without my reacting defensively and now it is my Modus Operandi. The moment when I sit down to write is a glorious one for me, one of the moments that I feel the most “me” in my life and I never take that freedom for granted.
How does my writing process work?
I remember one of the questions that surprised me in Judith’s interview was, “Do you ever feel that your photographs are a crutch?” I wasn’t quite sure what to think of that at the time but currently, my photography – or more importantly, the act of seeing so as to take them – usually leads the way. I mentioned earlier that I have been at a loss for words as of late but I am never at a loss for photos. They sit in files on my desktop, grouped into subjects. Often when I am working on them, an idea might spark of how I could use them, preferably not literally but sometimes that is just what needs to happen. I will prepare them the day before I sit down to write and then will clear my head while taking the dogs on their morning walk. I write really, really quickly once I have my launching off point. As Jeanne touched upon while introducing me, music is madly important to me. Today, I have been listening to London Grammar at high volume – the headphones in my ears to focus the sound and to give Remi a visual cue that I am “not here.” Usually I will listen to one song constantly on repeat – lately it has been “Wasting My Young Years” by the same group. I edit, reread what I have until I am just on the verge of getting sick of it, then hit “publish” before I do so. But all of this is a fast process, always on the same day. I know that each blogger has their own workings and the “why” of mine serves me as fuel.
And now, the good stuff.
The writers that came to my mind have all been mentioned here in one form or another. And while their stories, efforts and lives are all quite different, they are linked – for me – with one word: authenticity. Suze is one of my soul sisters, I feel linked to her even though we have never met. She constantly opens the doors in my heart and does so with such ease and grace. Loree is the shy poet who doesn’t yet consider herself a writer and yet once you grasp on to her evocative prose, you might beg to differ. And then there is Nancy-Kate, who regularly makes me bark out loud with gales of laughter that are spot-on and yet never mean-spirited. I know from when I was acting that, “Dying is easy, comedy is hard.” There is an effortlessness in all of these women’s writing that is a joy to take in and that can most certainly be said about my host, Jeanne. You can’t help but want to be her friend, to want to spend time in her world. She is deeply loved in the blogging community and her generosity of spirit, charm and wit are only a few of the reasons why.
Suze is sitting in front of a winking cursor wondering what the heck to write about herself. She has experience as a copy editor, columnist, educator, wife and mother and finds writing about herself in third person kinda fun. She’s listening to Soft Cell’s ‘Tainted Love’ on Sirius and her plus-size tortoiseshell cat just made a strangely self-satisfied sound as she yawned. Suze recently accepted an offer of representation from John Cusick of Greenhouse Literary Agency for her humorous contemporary Middle Grade novel, KYLE CONSTANTINI FINDS A WAY, and fully expects soul-numbingly wonderful things ahead.
Lorna
Dykstra (or Loree as she is known to her circle of friends) is a
pharmacist by profession. By day she works in a multi-national pharmaceutical
company and by night you will find her at her desk doing what she loves best –
writing. Home is the island of Malta, right in the middle of the
Mediterranean sea, where she lives with her American husband and
eight-going-on-eighteen year old son. She describes herself as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a dreamer, a hopeless
romantic, an endless contradiction. Lorna loves the NW wind, grey skies and
rough seas, golden sunsets and ancient, winding streets. She also
loves chocolate: the dark and bitter kind. Her other passions are reading, photography
and baking. A bit of a gypsy at heart, she is always on the look-out for the
next adventure that will take her beyond the shores of the small island on
which she lives. One of her dreams is to visit all the capital cities of Europe
and the fifty American States. Lorna writes more or less weekly on her
blog Stories & Scribbles and occasionally on her second blog Snapshots of
an Island.
Dykstra (or Loree as she is known to her circle of friends) is a
pharmacist by profession. By day she works in a multi-national pharmaceutical
company and by night you will find her at her desk doing what she loves best –
writing. Home is the island of Malta, right in the middle of the
Mediterranean sea, where she lives with her American husband and
eight-going-on-eighteen year old son. She describes herself as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a dreamer, a hopeless
romantic, an endless contradiction. Lorna loves the NW wind, grey skies and
rough seas, golden sunsets and ancient, winding streets. She also
loves chocolate: the dark and bitter kind. Her other passions are reading, photography
and baking. A bit of a gypsy at heart, she is always on the look-out for the
next adventure that will take her beyond the shores of the small island on
which she lives. One of her dreams is to visit all the capital cities of Europe
and the fifty American States. Lorna writes more or less weekly on her
blog Stories & Scribbles and occasionally on her second blog Snapshots of
an Island.
Nancy Kate Ryder is a Tennessee girl who managed to find her way to Grenoble via New Zealand and Australia. Now she is happily (most of the time) installed in France with her French husband and writing about all of her various and sundry cultural mishaps on her blog Bread is Pain. She is also in the midst of editing her first novel, a comic romance, which is a task she looks upon with both loathing and affection. In addition, she has a passion for eating cooking and occasionally throws a new recipe up on a food blog: Bread is Pain Food…apparently she has been unable to come up with more than one blog title. She loves long walks on the beach, drinks at sunset, and self-deprecating humor.
And now for my host. Jeanne, I am truly honored that you asked me to participate in this tour. It is a great, great compliment coming from such an amazing woman as yourself.
Jeanne
Henriques is wife to a nomadic husband,
mother to four independent children, one well-travelled dog and is the writer
behind the blogs, Collage of Life and Expat Diary Viet Nam. Over
the past 26 years, her family has packed up and moved between America,
Australia, New Zealand, UK and Vietnam. She has some ideas of when and where
the Expat Express will go next but can never be certain. Jeanne recently
added “empty nester” to her repertoire with her four children now living
between America and Australia. She looks to the years ahead as an opportunity
to explore new horizons. She hangs her hat and camera part of the year at Chateau Mango in
Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam and the other half at Tahilla Farm in
the foothills of the Monadnock mountain range in New Hampshire. She writes to
tell the tale. You can follow her adventures on her blogs, Collage of Life, and Expat Diary Viet Nam. Jeanne
can also be found chatting on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.
Henriques is wife to a nomadic husband,
mother to four independent children, one well-travelled dog and is the writer
behind the blogs, Collage of Life and Expat Diary Viet Nam. Over
the past 26 years, her family has packed up and moved between America,
Australia, New Zealand, UK and Vietnam. She has some ideas of when and where
the Expat Express will go next but can never be certain. Jeanne recently
added “empty nester” to her repertoire with her four children now living
between America and Australia. She looks to the years ahead as an opportunity
to explore new horizons. She hangs her hat and camera part of the year at Chateau Mango in
Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam and the other half at Tahilla Farm in
the foothills of the Monadnock mountain range in New Hampshire. She writes to
tell the tale. You can follow her adventures on her blogs, Collage of Life, and Expat Diary Viet Nam. Jeanne
can also be found chatting on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.
And there we have it! I will now pass the baton on to the three lovely ladies and they will nominate three writers in kind (Suze the rebel has more that she is going to ask!) while responding to the blog hop questionnaire. Thank you for reading, thank you for being here and I hope you enjoy discovering these wonderful worlds of words…
With my Very Best from Arles,
Heather
Merci Mumbai but France is still not my home even though I certainly did not waste my young years! I have had an amazing life so far and I know how fortunate I am for that…I just like the song. 🙂 Thank you as well for all of the kind compliments!
And to you, friend. Jeanne, I am so happy that we met and realised right away that we had so much in common. We both were coming at our blogs from our professional outlook in the beginning and have been finding our way ever since. I really feel that your work – both in your gorgeous paintings and in your writing – is taking flight!
Will take that in about the book…your "cheerleading" is a powerful incentive!
xo
Beautiful week to you too…
H
Sister, of course your mentioning Dad made me melt into big crocodile tears. I feel that his memory is often near, especially when I am being creative.
There is so much to respond to here, beautiful Sister but I will just say thank you and look forward, so much, to being with you in…nearly two weeks time!
I love you!
Thank you so much Jeanne. For your post, for asking me to do this, for your lovely response here…Yes, I know that those questions have been nagging at me since I accepted. I kept pushing them away but knew that they were turning under the surface. And with some of the things that have been going on in my life I have wondered if I should keep going, which brought me back to those questions and to Vicki's solid statement. I had to smile, you put it perfectly – a "snap" back to my senses! And we shall see how long it will take me to get "my" act together!
You know, I am not travelling like I used to but I truly have the wish in my heart to make it Tahilla Farm. And as much as I know that we will have so much to talk about, I can equally picture us walking down that lovely brook that runs through it without saying a word.
Gros, gros bisous,
H.
PS. I have been writing in a journal again for the first time in years…
Loree! Sorry, that's a new picture of her and I feel like I'm looking on the face of a dear friend for the first time because I've only ever seen her–for years–at an angle with shades on! Oh, Heather, I love this post. I love that you 'want them to float.' I love your images (girl, they remind me of Jason and make me feel even closer to you) and I'm so happy to be paired up with Loree here. Now, I need to go check out Nancy to meet who rounds out your choices. H., I'm honored to be your friend. You view the world through such an impeccably-honed lens. I raise my glass to your health and happiness, sweet one! (Even if you're not one to sugarcoat. :))
Hello Heather,
A special magic for us with your blog posts has always been the interplay of words and images to create a most beautiful and satisfying whole. You have such a great eye for composition, drawing those of us who can only take snapshots into your world by making us focus on the detail and leading us to the core of your message. This post is a brilliant example of this.
And, it is clear that you write from the heart. Your personality shines through, your hopes and dreams are laid before us, your triumphs and sorrows have been shared. We, your devoted readers, feel privileged to be in the presence of a highly creative and sensitive individual. Our lives are richer for knowing you. And, if one day we can hold 'you' in our hands and keep you close by on a bookshelf, what fun that will be!
wasting your young years……I don't think so.. rather you did everything Appropriate your feelings. You learned a lot from Remy in photography …so wonderful your pictures …and your personal style of writing , so talented . …and I hope after 1o years ?in France you don't get lost anymore and can call it your home.
How beautiful and soulful, Heather – which is also a description of you, my friend. Thanks so much for letting us take a peek into your process and what is going on in your lovely mind. I, for one, am so thankful that Remi (wise man) suggested you start a blog, since that was the first step in our wonderful blog-friendship, which I treasure.
You know, don't you, that I am going to be one of your biggest cheerleaders (and perhaps nags) when I comes to a book. Boy, would I like to hold that in my hands. I do think you have it in you, and what a tough, but wonderful, journey it would take you on!
Have a beautiful week, friend! XOXO
Wow – what a beautiful, beautiful post! As I re-skimmed your article before responding (as I had some interruptions), I noted the, "and now the good stuff" line – no offense to the wonderful bloggers you mentioned, but what lay before is no chopped liver! So much: beautiful photographs (love the water beads in the leaf that look like peas in a pod) and so much insight into your process and your life. It's funny, the ideas of your photographs as a "crutch" or "creating your own content" – to me it's obvious that you're a "double threat" (to use musical theater language of being a triple threat) – an amazing photographer AND writer!!! That's why your blog is SO wonderful – we get to enjoy the total artistry of both your writing and your photographs. And I love the part about how you feel when you sit down to write; I used to say that I got "high" from songwriting, so I can appreciate that, plus I feel SO HAPPY that you have found something that makes you SO HAPPY!!
One more thought I had is how proud Dad would be; that he was such a good writer and would have loved to have seen your beautiful art. I hope that didn't make you sad! Perhaps the pain translates into opening your heart (I think it does), so he is a little bit in this – your open heart gives us these treasures.
And to the idea of a book, I say, "hear, hear!!!!!" And your mentioning of your time in Arles coming to a close I couldn't help but wonder: will you still call your blog, "Lost In Arles"??? Speaking of lost/found – the ending line to an Irving Berlin song just came into my head: "I got lost in his arms…but look what I found"!
Oh Heather…I knew I was going to love this post even before opening it! Thank you so much for participating, I am so so glad you did. Like me, you probably had a few "good thinks" about these questions. Seemed easy enough at first glance but when you start digging deep you have to ask yourself a lot of questions,possibly ones you have been avoiding for some time. I have since added to my journal collection ( I love doing that) and promised to write everyday..whatever and whenever I feel like it. I am going inside and outside the journal and highly recommend it if you still need to sift through thoughts.
I did as advised and made myself a Vietnamese coffee to slowly take in your post. I love your honesty Heather…it is what drew me to you in the first place and keeps me coming back. Thank you. The music..is perfection. As for wise Vicki…we have had a similar chat. She has a way of "snapping' you out of those little corners we go into. I love her clarity and purpose and happily follow her advice..even though it can take a year or two to get my act together.
Long message..but a post that deserves it. Thank you for sharing Heather…as always, I love your style. With my last sip, I sign off from Tahilla Farm. A place I hope you will be able to one day spend time looking out to the mountain with a pen in hand ( or keyboard).
Sending you warm wishes from Tahilla…Jeanne xx