There is such a fine line between dreaming and pushing the dream. As someone whose mind is roaring and running from the moment my lids open to the instant when my brain coaxes them to stay closed, I do a fine amount of talking in my head. No, not of the Sybilaphile kind–at least not yet–but rather a wishing and wondering, dashing and retreating dance. “What will the afternoon hold?”, I wonder while running through the days list in my head…and automatically, ideas are attached to each item until it effectively becomes a Wish List.
I remember telling my “Uncle” Tom (who is related to me only because he has known me “before you were born”) at the brass bold age of thirty that I had it all planned out. I was going to keep working “one hundred percent” on my career for this many years, meet the man of my dreams at such age while following up by hopefully having one child (only) within the next few years. How sure of myself I was! He looked at me calmly and said, “Life doesn’t work like that, Heather.”
How right he was. The unpredictability of life has often left me delighted, offering something beyond what my pirouetting imagination could have served on a silver platter but it has also left me in tears of utter disillusionment. And yet I keep needing to learn it on levels little and big.
Buddhism reminds us that expectations can only lead to disappointment. So when is “looking forward to something” different than trying to make a moment other than what it is? I want things to be exactly how I hoped but of course that happens so rarely. This note is a little reminder to myself to just be present and push away the smokey clouds that pollute with their noise of braying to be heard. Just breathe. For there is nothing but peace in our heart rising and falling and cool air splaying over our lips with each exhale to know that all is well. All is well.
Everything is fine and dandy, I just caught myself in the act as storm clouds have gathered before going to see Melody Gardot in concert, my little dress put aside for something more reasonable and whining on the verge of escaping. I wondered if anyone else does the same…
I will be back to the wedding festivities on Friday.
That I don't doubt for one second, Missy. Adventures too.
I think that we ALL need an Uncle David in our lives.
Unfortunately, there is only one, the original, the unique, the tell it like it is even if it smarts Uncle David. I am always so grateful that he found his way over here.
Helen, she was phenomenal. A true artist and jazz diva with a big heart. If you EVER get a chance to see her, GO!!!!!
In my family, the Queen for a Day policy is still in full effect. 1) Birthdayee can do whatever she wants within reason. 2) All persons coming into contact with Birthdayee must be as sweet and kind and lovely as possible. No fighting, bickering or obvious efforts to attract attention.
Hence…expectations=disappointment with smatterings of happiness mixed in like confetti.
Oh life is certainly unpredictable! I sometimes compare my life and where I'm at in it to my friends… the result is both happy and sad, but one thing I know for sure, my life will always be full of surprises! x
Heather…May I have your'Uncle David'? Or at the very least, borrow him?
Hello Heather
You are seeing Melody Gardot. I would be playing her music at a decibel level that would have the neighbours banging on the door. Have a wonderful time
Helen x
OH, I remember the day (the exact day, in fact; I was in first grade) when I came downstairs just GIDDY with the knowledge that IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!
My two brothers (7 and 1, at that time) were in the kitchen, along with my parents and my grandmotbher.
I joyfully announced to everyone "It's my BIRTHDAY!!!!! I get to have anything I want! I get to be KING FOR A DAY!!!!!"
I have no idea where I'd gotten hold of that "King for a Day!" bullshit….probably some television commercial for kids' cereal.
No one said anything. My brothers stared at me. My grandmother (who'd been the matron of a boys' orphanage for 25 years and, therefore, brooked NO nonsense from any male of the species) flatly announced " No, you don't….and no, you DON'T…..what a ridiculous thing to say…be quiet and sit down to breakfast…. NOW."
I don't think I've had such a deflating moment in all the subsequent years.
And while we're on the subject of birthdays and dashed-dreams?…
My aol email account was hacked this past year, for the first time since I opened it 14 years ago. At dinner that night (with about ten folks there, some of whom I scarcely knew) I whinily mentioned the matter, concluding with "So, NOW I have to come up with a password that no one will ever guess."
A longtime (if renownedly sharp-tongued) friend said, in front of everyone "Why don't you just use your birthdate?". I said that sounded too easy, and he, without blinking, said "No….your REAL birthday. Come on….you're a middle aged gay man; you probably haven't told anyone your REAL birth date in at least twenty years….."
And THAT, I suppose, is what "friends" are for…..
—david terry
http://www.davidterryart.com
See? That is EXACTLY what I mean, Debra!! The perfect example and one I still do EVERY SINGLE YEAR. Hello?? Isn't it awesome enough that we just made it one more year? Why does it have to be about what restaurant or which gifts. Crazy expectations…Glad I am not the only one and that you are learning–it means there is hope for me yet! 🙂
xo,
H
Hope DD is well too!
It is true, the unexpected. They are the hardest blows perhaps. But yes how right you are, the sun always returns in some way or another. As my Mom says, "the wheel always turns" and she is right.