There is such a fine line between dreaming and pushing the dream. As someone whose mind is roaring and running from the moment my lids open to the instant when my brain coaxes them to stay closed, I do a fine amount of talking in my head. No, not of the Sybilaphile kind–at least not yet–but rather a wishing and wondering, dashing and retreating dance. “What will the afternoon hold?”, I wonder while running through the days list in my head…and automatically, ideas are attached to each item until it effectively becomes a Wish List.
I remember telling my “Uncle” Tom (who is related to me only because he has known me “before you were born”) at the brass bold age of thirty that I had it all planned out. I was going to keep working “one hundred percent” on my career for this many years, meet the man of my dreams at such age while following up by hopefully having one child (only) within the next few years. How sure of myself I was! He looked at me calmly and said, “Life doesn’t work like that, Heather.”
How right he was. The unpredictability of life has often left me delighted, offering something beyond what my pirouetting imagination could have served on a silver platter but it has also left me in tears of utter disillusionment. And yet I keep needing to learn it on levels little and big.
Buddhism reminds us that expectations can only lead to disappointment. So when is “looking forward to something” different than trying to make a moment other than what it is? I want things to be exactly how I hoped but of course that happens so rarely. This note is a little reminder to myself to just be present and push away the smokey clouds that pollute with their noise of braying to be heard. Just breathe. For there is nothing but peace in our heart rising and falling and cool air splaying over our lips with each exhale to know that all is well. All is well.
Everything is fine and dandy, I just caught myself in the act as storm clouds have gathered before going to see Melody Gardot in concert, my little dress put aside for something more reasonable and whining on the verge of escaping. I wondered if anyone else does the same…
I will be back to the wedding festivities on Friday.
Me too, Jeanne! And I loved the way that you phrased it and agree whole-heartedly even if anticipation tends to tip the scales on my end alllll toooo often. Le Sigh.
Gros Bisous,
H
Your response was so intriguing that I thought about it all day, Leslie.
I do know that it is important to take some sort of action, even if it won't necessarily give us the desired reaction. That things aren't linear for most of us. That is why hope is so mercurial even though it is just the essence of all that is right in the world. You do take action and I will keep the image of open doors in mind.
Isn't it funny what sense we have of each other without having met? I sometimes pick up on similar waves happening on other blogs too. And what is interesting is that I think you are right. If my instinct is right, some sort of change is on the horizon for me but I have no idea what it is…hoping (that word again) that it is something positive and that you are right.
Thank you mille fois for all of your kindness.
Thank you, Mr. Laoch.
A bittersweet response for our bittersweet lives. And I am not complaining for my part, just keeping a vigilant eye. More in terms of the everyday little bits and pieces that I make more complicated than they should be…"I hope this happens…" "I bet this will be like that"…that kind of silliness that just gets in the way of what is.
"Hope springs eternal"–three of the loveliest words together right up there and related to "I love you." Right? Love being given to us in the form of hope…
So true, Loree and thank goodness for that!!! And with surprising timing too…
Now I understand.
Still sending Love.
Ps. This came up randomly on the youtubey page after listening to Pearl and while it devolves into a big Mess towards the end, I had NO idea that there was any footage of these three greats singing together. Hold onto your hat!
http://youtu.be/UfGiUQ1DgLU
PPS. I remain faithful to Sassy.
Why, sweet Suze?
Sending Love.
By the second paragraph I had my head in my hands, thinking "Oh how am I going to explain that he is joking???" So I was grateful that you took that work off of my hands. I bet some folks still don't think so though. I am, of course, not one of them.
Keep on riffing, Uncle David.
Bisous,
H
Ps That fabulous, fabulous tune made me wish that I was some sort of 1950s burlesque performer that had a way with fans.
Hmmm, I listened to them both and would agree with Paul but wished the duo would have been with a fine female voice, just me. But oh, there is nothing wrong in looking at Mr. Vedder. I saw Pearl Jam at a triple bill with Smashing Pumpkins opening, then PJ, then the Red Hot Chili Peppers at the Roseland Ballroom many years ago. It left me breathless and a little freaked out–at one point during the Peppers, my feet got lifted off the floor and didn't touch again for nearly a minute. Needless to say, I watched the rest of the show from further back.
Another Eddie Vedder collaboration to give back to you: http://youtu.be/GoSyDxLBqqA