Hello everyone! I have been asked by the lovely Marsha at Splenderosa to join her International Blog Party “By Invitation Only.” It is quite a thrill to be participating along with some of the blog world’s finest. Today’s theme is “Weddings”…
My photos are faded now. But my memories are fresh. I am not single. Nor have I been married. I have a ring but it is not a wedding band. Let me explain.
Two wild things, two wanderers recognized something in the other and fell head over heels in love. They enmeshed their disparate lives by creating a team as a travel writer and photographer. And discovered the world and each other…together. Wherever they were, that was where home was.
And so my companion Remi Benali and I found ourselves on Bora Bora in February 2005. It was our most glamorous assignment so far, covering Bora Bora Cruises slow circle of the Leeward Islands for the French travel magazine Hotel & Lodge. We swam amidst the sharks only to find that a floating champagne bar had magically appeared when we came up for air. We were giddy with good fortune, dumb-founded by our luck. But it is also harder work than one outside of the métier can understand and we took it so. We didn’t see the time passing but felt it brushing past our skin.
One evening, just as the sun was tipping its hat in farewell, I could hear Remi’s gentle pad behind me as I gazed out onto the swirling sea. I turned and saw he held a jewelry box in his hand. My heart started to pound and I searched his gaze. Was this…? Would he…? No, no, not exactly. Inside the box, was the most beautiful pearl, one that glimmered green like the waves below me on one side and glowed pink like my heart on the other. A feeling, a moment, solidified into a tangible thing. It is a commitment ring. A promise was made with it and it has been kept. It is the most precious object I own.
Five months and much paperwork later, we made that promise legal by making a PACs or a Pacte Civil de Solidarité in the Town Hall, an exceptional option here in France. Solidarity. To stand by each other, to promise to take care of the other. It is so right for our couple, who have been through so much after having previously been so independent. I wore a white Margiela jacket and we stole a quick kiss as the notary wished us congratulations. But that was it. No champagne, no cake smushed in faces. We rushed back to our tiny apartment and started packing our bags for an especially challenging assignment in Tibet. We left before dawn the next morning. There was no time for ruminating high in the Himalayas but what we saw imprinted us strongly, with weight. And fifteen minutes after our return to Paris, Remi found an internet ad for a house that would finally take us to Arles, the city that had called to us. In Provence.
In Tibet. ©Remi Benali
All of this doesn’t mean that I don’t have my moments of rêverie. I honestly have no idea if we will ever tie the knot as our being together is still an active, not a given choice, but if we do, I know exactly where I would like us to go to do so–back to Bali. We have been twice on assignments and it is magical for both Remi and I. We have roamed the island and been intoxicated by its romance. We could have a simple ceremony on the beach with just our immediate family at our sides. We could be barefoot in the sand with the waves as music. I would charm Remi into wearing his sarong (he is even more masculin in one)…
…and I would don my favorite champagne silk bias gown with matching vintage pearls.
And of course, the pearl of Bora Bora.
And although our lives have taken another turn, our existence is now quite simple and our travelling days are perhaps over, for the past eleven years I have been with an incredible man. Finally, all of our voyages together were our lune de miel. For yes, we did dine by candlelight in the garden and spread the rose petals out with our toes the evening that I took the above photo along with too many memories to mention. Today, I run my finger over the pearls surface and remember that I don’t need any more than all I already have.
I never dreamed of being married, not even when I was a young girl. I don’t know why, my parents certainly gave me a wonderful, lasting example. But I did hope, for so long, that one day I would meet a man that I would love and respect, who would feel the same for me. Who would appreciate me for who I am and vice versa. That we could build a life together in trust. A wedding then of heart, mind and spirit.
I feel very fortunate.
Cue music:
For those of you that are visiting for the first time, I really want to extend a warm bienvenue. And for my wonderful readers and friends, please take a moment if you can to visit some of the other posts. You will be able to find them all at Splenderosa. How wonderful to explore and dream!
David, I had to go walk around the living room for a bit after reading your reply. It made me cry, I'll just say it. But after walking a bit, the thought that came to me is that it says so much about the enormity of the love that you and Herve discovered in that you could even consider to be open towards loving again after losing your loved ones so young. I am so truly sorry with all of my heart that you both experienced such tragedy and deeply grateful for the mystery of life for somehow bringing you two together, two people who could understand what others could not. And that your couple was further able to withstand the passing of Herve's daughter. Ok, crying again. You know, I have always thought of you two as "un vrai couple", a phrase that I don't use lightly and now I know why. Lots of love to you both.
Me too Judith! It sounds like you both might have some wonderful adventures in front of you as well…
Wow! Debra! I am speechless!! So many similarities, save that we haven't actually married…yet! You never know! 🙂 But now I know who to turn to for pointers if we ever do…
Bisous…
My Contessa, what would I do without you? You are a one-woman purple kaftan wearing cheerleading squad!!! Whoohoo!
And ps. That is one oooold photo!
Your story embraces what every true love story (and wedding) should – a couple rooted in happiness with a commitment and promise to stay together because you want to not because you should – truly a life together in heart, mind and spirit.
PS…I have never used this expression before but I 'heart' in a very big way your champagne silk gown and matching vintage pearls…my favourite colour…the world just keeps getting smaller and smaller… 🙂
Magic Heather…that's all I can say! You write so beautifully and I smiled from one word to the next. Thank you for sharing your wonderful story. I so appreciaed your letter yesterday. You sent me off on search of my Vanuatu photos which then of course sent me off to Samoa and many other places I had forgotten about. I was thrilled and I have you to thank for sending me down that path.
Story of Samoa to come and after that…Bora Bora. Small world and getting smaller. We spent our honeymoon and 20th wedding anniversary on Bora Bora. Many changes in 20 years! I am feeling that if we were to meet Heather…we are going to need a bottle of wine and a warm spot to sit…possibly looking out to sea. A kindred travelling spirit…the best kind. 🙂
Best wishes Heather…
Jeanne xx
Heather, your story has me a little teary eyed. I just love it. And in a world where weddings seem have become more about making a statement that stating a true and lasting commitment to another person, the way you've chosen to live your love makes perfect sense and has so much meaning. It makes me happy, and make me believe a little more in true love. XO
Dear Heather, Well, I'm glad that you liked the song to which I posted the link. I admired the obvious sincerity and frankness of your posting.
Just for the record (and yes, I'm well aware that I could send this to you "privately")?….
Herve and I met when I was 40 and he was thirty-one. Both of us had been in love (with other people) long before… and both of us had spent many years being single (mine died when he was 29… and his died in a motorcycle accident in Paris on his way to Herve's damned "surprise" BIRTHDAY party….of all over-written scenarios). So, both Herve and I spent a lot of years assuming that the amour-card had already been dealt and was done with. We're lucky in that both of us are very fond of and very close-with our families.
When we did "get together"?…one of the major points was that he'd finally & formally adopted a 12 year old daughter (not his "natural" daughter in the least…just a very smart and sweet young girl), who died of leukenia six years ago when she was 14….so, she never came to live with us in America as we'd planned when we bought this house.
We remain quite wary of formal contracts and "plans" and any notion of a "traditional marriage". It's more than enough for us to wake up each day(whichever ocuntry we happen to be in), find the other person still there, and be grateful for that sort of loyalty and the obvious good luck we've both had.
thanks for your obviously evocative and quite lovely posting,
david terry
Thank you for sharing this story. It is romantic in the best sense of the word. I hope the adventure continues for many, many years to come!